Todd Margaret IFC trailer starring David Cross

A sitcom starring David Cross (Tobias Funke) and Will Arnett (GOB Bluth)?  For the British market?  With jokes about Kazakhstan?  I'm in!

Clip of pilot here.

Nuclear fallout in Soviet Kazakhstan

I am reading Apples Are From Kazakhstan.  My plan was to post an entertaining Youtube video about golden eagles or the very artificial city of Astana.  But I came across this documentary put out by Al Jazeera instead.  It's about the 450 plus nuclear tests the Soviets performed in a small area in eastern Kazakhstan called the Polygon.  Be advised that some of the birth defects shown are very disturbing.  The bullshit comes from the Russians, who blame the cancer and disease on a lack of fruits and vegetables in the Kazakh diet.

When will Kazakhstan export a good movie?

Nomad co-stars Mark Dacascos, the dude from Iron Chef America.

Kazakhstani movies shown in the United States are hard to come by.  So far, I've only seen three feature length films from the Central Asian republic.  Mongol was overdone.  Gift to Stalin was mediocre.  And Nomad was unwatchable.  The young nation's even younger film industry has plenty of petrodollar funding, but is seriously lacking in plot lines, screenwriting, and independence.  To a certain extent, the movies all seem to be mouthpieces for the Nazarbayev government.  These are the themes I've picked up, Cliffs' Notes style:

• Our vast steppes are beautiful.
• We hate our recent Russian conquerors.
• We despise the Chinese and must remain vigilant of their aggressions.
• Our vast oil and gas reserves make us strong.
• In order to succeed, individual Kazakhs must set aside our differences and stick together (as in abandon differing political philosophies and any opposition to the government?).
• Our Kazakh supreme leader is just and wise, and we are truly blessed to have him guide our nation.

I demand a low-budget, well-made, independent Kazakh film about contemporary, realistic characters.  No more preachy epics please.

In conclusion, this Tupac homage is still the best.

Kazakh Ilyushin Il-76 Transporting Weapons From North Korea to Iran

Today, Thai authorities announced that the Il-76 transport plane carrying 35 tons of North Korean weapons that they grounded last year was headed for Iran. The secret delivery route went something like this: Azerbaijan to United Arab Emirates to Bangkok to North Korea (pick up weapons) to Bangkok to Sri Lanka to United Arab Emirates to Ukraine to Iran (drop off weapons) to Montenegro. Wow! That's a lot of frequent flyer miles. U.S. intelligence tipped off the Thais just before the plane landed in Bangkok the second time.

What is truly amazing is the plane itself, the Il-76. This cargo plane was the American C-17's nemesis. It's capable of carrying 40 tons of hardware 5,000 km in less than six hours and land in short and rough runways.

Approximately 860 of these were made in Uzbekistan for military and civilian use.

Most of the troops and freight the Soviets brought into Afghanistan were carried in Il-76s. The video below says it all. They were terrifying. And what about those parachuting APCs with retro-rockets?!

Natural Gas Pipeline Between Turkmenistan And Xinjiang Opens

While we in the West focus on Tiger Wood's latest mistress and Kourtney Kardashian's baby, China just opened a natural gas pipeline that connects Turkmenistan (which ranks #4 in the world in natural gas production) to China's restive Xinjiang province. The pipeline runs through vibrant democracies Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan. It never touches Russian territory. Within three years, half of all the natural gas pumped out of Turkmenistan will be sent to China. This is a small, but significant, step for China in its path to superpower status.

Don't worry; Russia is on it. Medvedev is flying to Turkmenistan within the next two weeks.

Pictures/Portraits of 56 Ethnic Minorities In China

Remember the Beijing Olympics opening ceremonies? And the 56 children wearing colorful costumes, representing China's 56 ethnic groups living in harmony together? And later finding out that all the kids were of the Han super-majority, pretending to be members of the minorities?

Well, there really are 56 ethnic groups. All 56 groups are beautifully captured in this comprehensive gallery. I don't pretend to know even a fraction of them. But here are the few I've heard of:

The Han comprise the vast majority of China's population. They are the Chinese people you think of when you think "Chinese people".

The Hui look "Chinese" but are Muslims. They have a trace of Arab blood from the good old days when Arabs lived in China as traders.

The Central Asian -stans (Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, etc.) are ethnic and geographic fictions created by the Soviet Union. So I don't really know what makes one a Kazakh in China. They may be those who fled Kazakhstan during one of Stalin's purges.

Kyrgyz.

Koreans.

The Manchus conquered the Han Chinese and started the Qing dynasty before China became a republic in 1911. That movie, The Last Emperor, was about a Manchu honcho.

Mongols live in Inner Mongolia in China, whereas the country of Mongolia is considered Outer Mongolia. Shouldn't it be the other way around?

Russians fled to China during the Bolshevik Revolution. A lot of Russian Jews also fled to China during World War II.

Don't the Taiwanese belong to the nation of Taiwan?

Tajiks.

Again, I thought the Muslim Tatars of Russia/U.S.S.R. was an ethnic fiction.

Docile and peace-loving Tibetans sit for a photo.

Docile, peace-loving, and always smiling Uyghurs sit for a photo.

Uzbeks.

Tupac in Kazakhstan Video

International Ramifications of Han-Uyghur Fighting

If you think the recent violence in Xinjiang is a local, domestic issue, think again. First, Turkey is strengthening its ethnic and geopolitical ties with its Central Asian Turkic brothers by calling the recent violence genocide and royally pissing off the Chinese by granting exiled Uyghur leader Rebiya Kadeer a visa to visit Turkey.

Moreover, Uyghurs in Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan are keeping a low profile. They are afraid that if their protests are too loud, the Kazakh and Kyrgyz governments will crack down on them in order to win favor from the Chinese government.

In what may be the most terrifying development, Al Qaeda in Algeria has announced that it will target Chinese workers in North Africa.

There is no question that independence for Xinjiang is out of the question. What the Uyghurs and Chinese central government need to do is sit down like adults and work out a compromise in which China continues to have territorial sovereignty over the region; the Uyghurs are given a lot more autonomy; and Han migration is greatly curtailed, if not reversed.

Photo courtesy Jeffrey Hays

Central Asian Embassy Tour

When it comes to traveling, I spend 95% of my time obsessively researching, planning, and daydreaming and 5% of the time actually traveling. In my travel wish list, I've always wanted to travel to all the -stans of Central Asia: the former Soviet Republics of Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Turkmenistan. What better way to find out about their countries than to visit their embassies, talk to the people there, and pick up whatever travel brochures they have to offer? Here is what I did.

1. Tajikistan Embassy
Address: 1105 New Hampshire NW
Known for: Backdrop for hilarious Aykroyd/Chase Cold War flick Spies Like Us

All five embassies are more or less within ten minutes walking distance from each other. While the richer or slightly richer Central Asian neighbors have embassies on posh Embassy Row, Tajikistan's mission is situated in a more anonymous area near Foggy Bottom. Because it is open early at 8 am, I go there first.


As I approach the front, I notice two entrances. The basement entrance has a sign for visas. The main entrance has no sign so I assume this is where I might find the ambassador. I choose the latter. I open the unlocked door. The interior is simply but nicely decorated. A man in an office, dressed sharply with a European cut dress shirt and striking tie greets me. He appears to be a very educated and capable diplomat. I tell him my interest in his country and he is confused and speechless. After some awkward exchanges, I deflate the tension by suggesting that I should just go on the web to look for tourist information. Relieved, my host agrees. Just as I turn around to leave, a young man who also works at the embassy is already opening the front door for me.

2. Kazakhstan Embassy
Address: 1401 16th NW
Known for: Borat (erroneously), steppes, lots of oil and gas

I make my way for Kazakhstan. I am confronted by an odd statue of Saka the Golden Man. A sign instructs me to enter via the O Street entrance. I enter a short hallway. Immediately to my right is a window for dropping off mail and packages. Behind the open window is a Russian looking man in his 50s sitting behind a desk. He wore what I suspect undercover Soviet cops wore. He was very distracted.

I walked past this window and into a waiting room full of comfortable couches, with a wall of empty visa service windows on one side. Within the circle of couches is a table with a smorgasbord of literature-- promos for the movie Tulpan, brochures for freight companies, and even a book about nuclear disarmanent! I grab everything. As I walk past the security guard again, I ask him if it's okay for me to take all this stuff. Without even looking up, he replies tersely: Yeah, yeah. I walk out with the loot.

3. Turkmenistan Embassy
Address: 2207 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Eccentric former leader Turkmenbashi

Contrary to the Uzbek embassy website, it opens at 10, not 9. So I walk past Uzbekistan and get to Turkmenistan. I'm in the heart of Embassy Row. I see European missions with fleets of BMW 7 series with diplomatic plates. Lower level staff members are getting on their hands and knees at the Turkish embassy, weeding and edging their lawn. I come up to Turkmenistan.


The door is locked. I ring the bell. Through the narrow window, I see a man in a suit down the hallway. He slowly and purposefully walk towards me. Before he unlocks the door with his left hand, he raises his right hand, palm towards me-- the international sign for Stop. He opens the door slightly and wedges his body through the door. I take one step back. I am not allowed in. We chat outside in a serious whisper. The man never had an expression on his face. He does not have tourist information and he wants me gone. I read him loud and clear.

4. Kyrgyzstan Embassy
Address: 2360 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Manas airbase, kidnapped brides

Practically across the street from Turkmenistan is Kyrgyzstan. As I walk up to the front door, a diplomat with a briefcase walks next to me, with the same destination. It's clear that he works there. On the front steps, he kindly and apologetically tells me that all of their brochures were given away during a recent Open House event. Bummer.


5. Uzbekistan Embassy
Address: 1746 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Samarkand, the Silk Road, Tamerlane

The Uzbek embassy looks the most imposing. The driveway is closed off with heavy black chains. When you walk up to the front door to ring the doorbell, it feels like a vacant haunted house. I walk through the side entrance and enter the visa section.

A Nice Lady behind the window is helping a middle aged couple with their paperwork. Seeing me enter, the Nice Lady puts everything on hold and offers to help me. She goes to the back room and spends several minutes looking for any type of literature to give to me. I smile at the couple and feel bad that I'm interrupting their much more pressing business. A girl with a stuffed animal, presumably the Nice Lady's child, walks through the office. The Nice Lady is fruitless but I thank her profusely for her help.

CKY

Entry Into Turkmenistan: Denied

I'm on a pseudo-whirlwind tour of the Central Asian -stans. I was just denied access into "Turkmenistan". More later.

CKY

DC Embassy Tour

Statue in front of Kazakh embassy

I came upon this site while looking for directions to the Central Asian embassies. I thought it would be fun to try to see the missions of Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan, and Kyrgyzstan. Last year, a group of people walked to all 170 plus embassies in Washington, DC, in ONE DAY. Here is their route. Here is their Excel file with addresses and directions. That takes a lot of stamina. And I thought I was nuts.

Borat in front of Uzbek embassy

CKY

Kazakhstan ChevWrong Poster

More (Burma, Canada, Iraq, USA, Ecuador, Philippines, and Nigeria) here.

CKY