Darvaza flaming crater in Turkmenistan

In 1971, Soviet geologists found an underground cavern with natural gas.  To avoid a poisonous gas discharge, the crew decided to burn the gas.  It has not stopped burning since.

The nuclear option: The Soviet way to stop natural gas gushers

In 1972, the Soviets used a 15 kiloton nuclear device to stop an out of control natural gas gusher.  It was successful.  Similar detonations had also been used in Uzbekistan and Ukraine (5 total).  Wow, and I thought nuclear powered lighthouses were ingenious.

Turkmenistan Flu Prevention PSAs

The videos speak for themselves.

Natural Gas Pipeline Between Turkmenistan And Xinjiang Opens

While we in the West focus on Tiger Wood's latest mistress and Kourtney Kardashian's baby, China just opened a natural gas pipeline that connects Turkmenistan (which ranks #4 in the world in natural gas production) to China's restive Xinjiang province. The pipeline runs through vibrant democracies Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan. It never touches Russian territory. Within three years, half of all the natural gas pumped out of Turkmenistan will be sent to China. This is a small, but significant, step for China in its path to superpower status.

Don't worry; Russia is on it. Medvedev is flying to Turkmenistan within the next two weeks.

Gambling In Turkmenistan

F1 Outsider recently sent me a news link discussing Turkmenistan's plan to open a Las Vegas/Dubai-esque casino beach resort near the port town of Turkmenbashi. Coincidentally, Putin just shut down all Russian casinos and banished them to The Sticks, i.e. Kaliningrad, Azov, Altai, and the North Korean border.


Turkmenistan is a closed and charmingly repressive society. Entry for foreigners is almost impossible. A 2005 film, put out by Journeyman Pictures, fantastically captures the late ruler of Turkmenistan, Saparmurat Niyazov. The narcissism and sycophancy are beyond belief.

Central Asian Embassy Tour

When it comes to traveling, I spend 95% of my time obsessively researching, planning, and daydreaming and 5% of the time actually traveling. In my travel wish list, I've always wanted to travel to all the -stans of Central Asia: the former Soviet Republics of Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, Tajikistan, Kyrgyzstan, and Turkmenistan. What better way to find out about their countries than to visit their embassies, talk to the people there, and pick up whatever travel brochures they have to offer? Here is what I did.

1. Tajikistan Embassy
Address: 1105 New Hampshire NW
Known for: Backdrop for hilarious Aykroyd/Chase Cold War flick Spies Like Us

All five embassies are more or less within ten minutes walking distance from each other. While the richer or slightly richer Central Asian neighbors have embassies on posh Embassy Row, Tajikistan's mission is situated in a more anonymous area near Foggy Bottom. Because it is open early at 8 am, I go there first.


As I approach the front, I notice two entrances. The basement entrance has a sign for visas. The main entrance has no sign so I assume this is where I might find the ambassador. I choose the latter. I open the unlocked door. The interior is simply but nicely decorated. A man in an office, dressed sharply with a European cut dress shirt and striking tie greets me. He appears to be a very educated and capable diplomat. I tell him my interest in his country and he is confused and speechless. After some awkward exchanges, I deflate the tension by suggesting that I should just go on the web to look for tourist information. Relieved, my host agrees. Just as I turn around to leave, a young man who also works at the embassy is already opening the front door for me.

2. Kazakhstan Embassy
Address: 1401 16th NW
Known for: Borat (erroneously), steppes, lots of oil and gas

I make my way for Kazakhstan. I am confronted by an odd statue of Saka the Golden Man. A sign instructs me to enter via the O Street entrance. I enter a short hallway. Immediately to my right is a window for dropping off mail and packages. Behind the open window is a Russian looking man in his 50s sitting behind a desk. He wore what I suspect undercover Soviet cops wore. He was very distracted.

I walked past this window and into a waiting room full of comfortable couches, with a wall of empty visa service windows on one side. Within the circle of couches is a table with a smorgasbord of literature-- promos for the movie Tulpan, brochures for freight companies, and even a book about nuclear disarmanent! I grab everything. As I walk past the security guard again, I ask him if it's okay for me to take all this stuff. Without even looking up, he replies tersely: Yeah, yeah. I walk out with the loot.

3. Turkmenistan Embassy
Address: 2207 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Eccentric former leader Turkmenbashi

Contrary to the Uzbek embassy website, it opens at 10, not 9. So I walk past Uzbekistan and get to Turkmenistan. I'm in the heart of Embassy Row. I see European missions with fleets of BMW 7 series with diplomatic plates. Lower level staff members are getting on their hands and knees at the Turkish embassy, weeding and edging their lawn. I come up to Turkmenistan.


The door is locked. I ring the bell. Through the narrow window, I see a man in a suit down the hallway. He slowly and purposefully walk towards me. Before he unlocks the door with his left hand, he raises his right hand, palm towards me-- the international sign for Stop. He opens the door slightly and wedges his body through the door. I take one step back. I am not allowed in. We chat outside in a serious whisper. The man never had an expression on his face. He does not have tourist information and he wants me gone. I read him loud and clear.

4. Kyrgyzstan Embassy
Address: 2360 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Manas airbase, kidnapped brides

Practically across the street from Turkmenistan is Kyrgyzstan. As I walk up to the front door, a diplomat with a briefcase walks next to me, with the same destination. It's clear that he works there. On the front steps, he kindly and apologetically tells me that all of their brochures were given away during a recent Open House event. Bummer.


5. Uzbekistan Embassy
Address: 1746 Massachusetts NW
Known for: Samarkand, the Silk Road, Tamerlane

The Uzbek embassy looks the most imposing. The driveway is closed off with heavy black chains. When you walk up to the front door to ring the doorbell, it feels like a vacant haunted house. I walk through the side entrance and enter the visa section.

A Nice Lady behind the window is helping a middle aged couple with their paperwork. Seeing me enter, the Nice Lady puts everything on hold and offers to help me. She goes to the back room and spends several minutes looking for any type of literature to give to me. I smile at the couple and feel bad that I'm interrupting their much more pressing business. A girl with a stuffed animal, presumably the Nice Lady's child, walks through the office. The Nice Lady is fruitless but I thank her profusely for her help.

CKY

Entry Into Turkmenistan: Denied

I'm on a pseudo-whirlwind tour of the Central Asian -stans. I was just denied access into "Turkmenistan". More later.

CKY